Concert Music:

Jazz

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Inspired by (but not especially similar to) the three ground-breaking Fusion groups of the 1970s after whom the piece is named.

Pocket Change

Over thirty years ago, a three-movement trio for flute, piano, and cello was born. It had square "Classical" rhythms, harmony that was derivative of Hindemith, a bit of jazz inflection, and (I’ve since decided) about 10% good ideas with 90% filler. In sum, it was more like a suggestion of a piece than a fully-realized one. Now, it has morphed into a two-movement (100% all beef!) work for jazz trio, vibes, and woodwind quartet. The shackles are off - it was really jazz that I was feeling all along - but it’s not garden-variety bebop by a long shot. I’ve retained the original harmonic character, and kept the "Classical vs. Jazz" dialectic alive in the instrumentation. So the piece really qualifies as Jazz Fusion, just not the kind most folks are familiar with. The title? Certain jazz genres (especially those practiced by us Caucasian males) have a long and inglorious history of titles based upon lame puns...in-jokes for insiders. In this case, I just couldn’t resist. Sorry...

Oscar Pianoson and The Fabulous Jazz Clowns

Oscar Pianoson is a famous jazz piano (no, not a pianist, he’s actually a piano!) who has had a long and storied career. If he has a flaw, it is that he’s a bit stuffy and doctrinaire about his passion for jazz. So, sparks fly (and the fun begins) when he finds himself playing a gig with (and receiving an unwanted lesson in musicology from) Clarino, the clarinet, and Accordio, the accordian - also known as The Fabulous Jazz Clowns.

Note: although I focused a lot of attention on speech inflection (trying to make the "verbal" utterances of the instruments actually sound like human English), I will admit that knowing the actual script can aid in appreciation and enjoyment of the piece, so here it is:

(Scene: Oscar Pianoson and his trio mates (Bass and Drums) are playing a gig with two sidemen they’ve never played with before: Clarino, the clarinet, and Accordio, the accordian (whom we know as The Fabulous Jazz Clowns). Oscar, Bass, and Drums start playing a tune, only to have the Clowns come in with an accompaniment that sounds much more like "Beer Barrel Polka" than Jazz.) Oscar: "Hey. Hey! Hey, you two!!!! *&^@#*&^@%&^%&@#^%!!!! Clowns! What do you think you’re doing?" Clarino (feigning shame): "I don’t know..." Oscar (addressing Accordio): "And you... just what in the world were you thinking?" Accordio: "Well, it just seemed to me to be kind of...boring." Oscar (indignantly): "Boring?!? Well, you just play what the band...is...playing! OK?!?" Clarino and Accordio (sheepishly): "O-K." Oscar: "Good. Let’s start it up...again." (Oscar and trio start again, only to have the Clowns enter even sooner than before...with more polka music.) Oscar: "Hey! Hey!!!! *&^@#*&^@%(@*&#^&@%^#@(#)_$&@&$&^%&@#^%!!!!" Clarino (slow on the uptake, as usual); "Uh-oh..." Oscar: "What’s the matter with you guys? We start with an intro that goes just like this...(he plays the start of the intro)....then you stupid twits start to play like an ’ummm-pahh’ band (he plays some ’ummm-pahh’)...TRASH!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU THINKING???!!!" Clarino (feigning shame again): "I don’t know..." Accordio: "Hey boss, if we played some good ’ummm-pahh-pahh’, we’d knock ’em...dead." Oscar (with false calm and civility, all the while furious inside): "Oh, yes? That’s what we should do? (Completely loses it.) YOU TWO IDIOTS!!! GET OUT!!! GO AWAY!!!" Clarino and Accordio (sheepishly): "O-K." (They exit stage left.) Oscar: "Good riddance! (To Bass and Drums:) Let’s take it from the bridge this time. OK?" Bass: "O-K." Drums: "OK, let’s do it." (He gives the upbeat, and then they play the bridge. Just as they reach the climax, the telephone starts to ring.) Oscar (agitated by yet another interruption): "DRAT!!! WHAT NOW?" Bass: "I’ll get it...I’ll get it. Hello?" Voice at the other end of the line (a poorly-disguised Accordio): "Evening! Can I speak to..." (He identifies Oscar by playing the intro to the tune Oscar’s been trying to play all night.) Bass: "OK, just a minute..." (Accordio giggles softly on the phone.) Bass (speaking to Oscar): "It’s for you..." Oscar (impatiently): "Alright, alright, I’m coming! (into the telephone): Well, what is it?!?" Accordio: "Is this..." (Once again, he identifies Oscar by playing the tune.) Oscar: "Yes! So, what?" Accordio: "Listen to this!" (He starts giggling again.) (***SPECIAL SURPRISE AT THIS POINT***) (Oscar goes completely out of his mind with fury, and exits stage left to find the Clowns with the intention of giving them a sound thrashing. Just then, the Clowns re-enter the scene from the opposite end of the stage, bent over with laughter...) Accordio: "That was a blast!" Clarino: "Yep...what a stiff." (He launches into "Beer Barrel Polka" again, while Accordio screams with laughter.) Accordio: "I just about died... when we started to play this..." (Accordio plays the ’ummm-pahh’ music, while Clarino guffaws in his goofy way.) Accordio: "But the best part of all...was this one!" (***SPECIAL SURPRISE AT THIS POINT***) Bass: "Hey, guys...whatcha doing?" Clarino (his credo): "I don’t know..." Accordio: "Mates! Want to play something?" Drums: "Oh yeah!" Bass: "OK...but what?" Accordio: "How about....this!..." (They all proceed to take Oscar’s song, and turn it completely upside down and inside out...and, THEY ROCK!) (As they finish, the audience erupts into thunderous applause. Clarino and Accordio chortle with glee at the ovation.) Bass (all caught up in the applause, doing his very best Elvis imitation): "Thank ya...Thank ya...Thank ya very much."